Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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