i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
