guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I didn't notice because vodka
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Randomize
