I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
