have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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