It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
