dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
