i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Randomize
