I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Randomize
