dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
