Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
