Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Randomize
