I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
is that a dick in a sweater?
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
