am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
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