I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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