Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
