you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
