I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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