Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Randomize
