Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
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