i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
