Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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