It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
