I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Randomize
