He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
