she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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