btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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