My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
