I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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