I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
