is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Randomize
