Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
