Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
You've changed since you got that strap on
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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