even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
