i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
