I molested 6 butterflies tonight
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
