so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
