have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
