omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
