What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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