I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
