Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
