I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Randomize
