K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
