What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
