It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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