im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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