woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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