So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Randomize
