beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
So many bounce houses so little time
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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