DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
